i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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