The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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