Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
