When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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