Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
