The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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