I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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