Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
