I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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