We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
