so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
