I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
