Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
