I just cut my nipple shaving
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
