you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
