listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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