haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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