This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
