i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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