Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
