A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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