I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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