You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
