I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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