You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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