White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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