You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
