talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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