the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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