I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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