I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
