so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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