Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
