Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
