happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
