Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
