I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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