You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My life is pants optional.
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