I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
