Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
