Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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