Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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