I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
