So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
