i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
