people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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