Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
