apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Houston, we have a squirter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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