My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
