gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
