oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
