Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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